Grief Isn’t Linear – Understanding Your Emotional Landscape

Grief is not a straight line. It doesn’t follow a schedule, obey logic, or arrive in tidy stages. One day, you might feel functional—almost okay. The next, you’re on the floor in tears over something as small as a song or a scent. This unpredictability doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re grieving.

After loss, many of us expect to “progress” through grief like we would through recovery: one step at a time, always forward. But the reality is more like spiraling through waves—sometimes calm, sometimes crashing. Grief isn’t neat. It’s messy, and that mess is normal.

There Are No “Correct” Emotions

You may feel sadness, of course. But you may also feel guilt, relief, confusion, anger, or even moments of joy. All of those feelings are valid. There is no single way to mourn, no emotional checklist to complete. Everyone’s grief is uniquely shaped by the depth of the relationship, the circumstances of the loss, and your own inner world.

Some days, you might feel nothing at all. Numbness is also a form of grief—it’s how the mind protects itself when the pain is too overwhelming to feel all at once.

Set Down the Timeline

You might hear things like:

• “It gets better after a few months.”

• “You should be moving on by now.”

• “Stay strong for your family.”

These statements, though often well-intentioned, can make you feel like you’re failing at grieving. You’re not.

Grief doesn’t “expire.” It changes, softens, and evolves, but it doesn’t simply disappear on a set date. Missing someone you love years after they’re gone is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of love that has nowhere to go but memory.

Learning to Ride the Waves

Rather than trying to control your grief, consider learning to ride it. That means:

• Letting emotions come and go without judgment.

• Noticing your feelings, but not identifying with them completely.

• Recognizing that no two days will feel the same—and that’s okay.

Think of grief as a tide: some waves will knock you over. Others will recede quietly. You don’t need to brace against every surge. You just need to breathe and let them move through you.

You’re Not Backsliding

If you have a “bad day” weeks or months after you thought you were doing better, that doesn’t mean you’ve gone backward. Grief revisits us in cycles—on anniversaries, holidays, or seemingly random days when your heart just aches.

These aren’t setbacks. They’re echoes. And they’re part of healing.

Give Yourself Grace

You are allowed to feel whatever comes up. You are allowed to not know how to explain it. You are allowed to have good days and hard ones, to laugh and cry in the same breath, to miss someone forever and still find joy again.

Understanding that grief isn’t linear helps you let go of unrealistic expectations and lean into compassion—for yourself, for others, and for the journey ahead.

You’re not broken. You’re grieving.

Let that be enough.